I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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