Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
