:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
