I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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