if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
