At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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