I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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