when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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