Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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