I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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