community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
