hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
