my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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