You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
