No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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