I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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