he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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