Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
