I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
