I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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