Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
