I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
