what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
