I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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