i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How does one acquire holy water?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
