so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i now understand why vodka
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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