I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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