Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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