Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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