actually, I'm a sock model
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
