I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
