perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
