I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
