You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
