She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
