She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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