found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
