Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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