i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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