she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
