At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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