ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
