Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
