I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
