I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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