On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
