4 words: hood of his car
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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