Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
