Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
