hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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