she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
