His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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