And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
