i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
