Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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