3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I take back everything I said about communal showers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
