Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Randomize
