batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
