Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.