Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.