Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
