actually, I'm a sock model
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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