so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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