my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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