at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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