I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
