yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
