You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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