i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
