What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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