you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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