mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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