I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
